One more thought....forgive me all its good to get this off my chest:)
There were times after I found out my now ex was having the affair with my then friend that I felt like I was looking down the wrong end of a pair of binoculars. Everything was really small and it was like having cotton wool in my ears...or walking around with the sound in your life turned WAY down. There was one bad night coming home from work ...waiting outside my campus to cross the street to get to the bus stop that I almost got hit by a car. I just couldn't SEE anything but my own pain...literally.
As I said in my welcome post I think I just wonder if other women go through this stuff? We all talk about it but not perhaps in as much detail as we might. There is always that worry about other's judging you. Well ladies I am going to be detailed. Even at my own expense. It was like the moorings on my life came unstuck...or someone sawing the mast off a sailboat. Its hard to redefine yourself after being someone's wife and mother for over 16 years. 37 IS young but I was married at 21 and this was a hard hill to get over.
So...I went through Steve...that was in another post. And then I went through what I call my "experimental bonking stage" where I basically did just that...I got laid...ALOT:) Safely I might add. And you know what? The sky didn't fall in...there was no divine retribution:) I just learnt a thing or five. About myself...about men. And I think that is the point of this life. To realise you sometimes make mistakes...and its OK. Sometimes I look at other women and wonder "are you celibate? How do you deal with this conundrum of sexuality and neccessity while not in a relationship?" But you can't just ask people these questions they'd have you committed:) One experience comes to mind...I call it "the penis and the deodorant can" but that's for another post...maybe in another forum:) I will post it though.
And how important are your friends? That is another thing I learnt...along with never ever be smug EVER...men may come and go but women last forever. I sometimes think painful as it was that my real life started when my marriage ended. I'm lucky my ex and I get along very well now and my children are all doing fine. Splitting their time between opposite sides of the world... probably why my ex and I get along, 20,000 kms between us I reckon but we'll be right. And how glad I am to have put all this effort into my education, it gives you freedom of mind and practical freedom, like I don't need my ex's money I can make my own.
Its like coming out of a dark room and into a really bright light, you squint for awhile and maybe you bump into the furniture but eventually your vision clears and you can see your surrondings and how to navigate them. I'm learning:)