AKA Navigating without a compass
Oh bloody hell....2 years after the fact I STILL wonder how it is I got here at 38. Did anyone else out there suffer from systemic smugness when they were married? I know I did...I didn't know it then but I know it now. I think underneath it all I thought my single girlfriends were suffering from some sort of invisible defect...you couldn't see it but it HAD to be there, otherwise they'd have a man right? WRONG. I didn't factor the men in... some feminist I was heh, even if this was an unconscious process.
My now ex went throught a prolonged midlife crisis starting at around 35. Now this is his own admission guys so no leaping on me. He says he started worrying about turning 40 at 35. Ten months into my Phd and he's running around with one of my oldest friends. Sigh. Tired of being married was the official explanation...he could have told me first BEFORE he lost the vertical hold on his zipper! Preferable...definitely preferable.
Back to the smug bit...I think I just felt so safe, an adult version of the childhood "neener neener neener or na na na na na" for North Americans. I am the living embodiment of the saying "there are no guarantees in this life". Which isn't always such a bad thing...silverlinings and all that:) And mistakes...but having fun making them...
Steve....
Steve....known forevermore as "that goddamn mulletwearing olive munching WOG!"
Greek, (NO!) and absolutely beautiful...not a damn thing between his ears unfortunately. But beautiful. I think my punanii moved into my head for about six months. And confused...his last partner was 62...he's 39. Don't ask...met her when he was 28 and she was 50. And I made the colossal mistake of falling in love with this guy. I always was a sucker for someone who needed saving. I think you just get freaked. You think "what if for 16 years he was only bonking me cause he HAD too? What if I NEVER get laid again??" My perspective needed adjusting...
That's the topic for my next post....perspective adjustment...
Peace